“That’s the thing about privilege; those who hold and wield it are afflicted by a maddening tunnel vision, an obliviousness to the forces and needs (beyond corporate board rooms) that shape the world.” Oscar Gonzalez
The White House is a grim, unsettled place these days with a lot of nervous, confused and frightened people scurrying around in a doomed attempt to keep up with President Trump’s mercurial pronouncements and splenetic declarations. There are cocky and belligerent folks too, mostly those who spend a lot of time with Trump. Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, routinely belittles the White House servants, complains about the food, and threatens to fire any underling who doesn’t jump high or fast enough. Ivanka, even more of a tyrant than her hubby, has already cycled through four assistants; three of them ran out of the White House in tears. There have also been reports from credible sources that sometimes, in the wee hours of the night, the lights in the residence flicker on and off and an eerie wailing from a source unknown can be heard, but, oddly, this arouses no suspicion whatsoever. One source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said he hasn’t experienced such a dark, moody vibe in the White House since the last year of the Nixon Administration.
Late one recent evening, President Trump summoned his new Chief of Staff, John Kelly, and his chief political guru, Stephen Bannon, to the Oval Office.
DT: I don’t like seeing those trucks on the street, especially in Washington D.C.
JK: What trucks are those, sir?
DT: Those taco trucks. They’re everywhere, on every corner, on every block, probably operated by illegal immigrants or other bad hombres. They just pull up and start dishing out tacos and burritos and tortas like they own the street, and it wouldn’t surprise me if they’re dealing drugs, too. I want this investigated right away by the FBI’s best people. The best! Get them on it! Order them to infiltrate the taco truck cartels. I want them wiped from our streets! They’re a grave threat to our national security, like Iran and North Korea. I want to see good, old fashioned hot dog carts, pushed by real Americans. No dark-skinned foreigners. Nothing is more terrific, more American, than a plump juicy hot dog slathered in mustard and sauerkraut and onions. When people complain that there are no jobs we’re going to tell them to get in the hot dog business. Once this taco truck ban takes full effect all across the nation, it will create thousands, maybe even millions of jobs!
JK: I will have it investigated, Mr. President.
SB: Wonderful idea, Mr. President. It dovetails nicely with our ongoing effort to level the playing field for white Americans. It’s about time America had a president committed to alleviating the oppression of the silent white majority by militant and entitled blacks, spics, and Asians. This move will solidify your base of support and most definitely boost your poll numbers even higher, sir.
DT: How high are my numbers now, Bannon?
SB: I located a rare but highly credible poll produced by a small community college in Alabama that pegs your approval rating at 70%.
DT: That’s huuuuuge. That’s real news. Get that in the mainstream media. Call our friends at Fox and Sinclair. I want this covered, wall-to-wall.
SB: Yes sir.
DT: John, how great a job am I doing? Has any president ever done as much as I have in such a short time? Nobody is even close, am I right? I’ve done more in seven months than Obama did in eight years. And nobody is more presidential, am I right? Maybe Lincoln, but nobody else comes close. I walk into a room at the G20 and everybody stops what they’re doing because they know a strong US president is in the house, ready to do business. I walk in and the other leaders wet their pants, they soil themselves. Sad! I sit down with Putin and he knows he’s dealing with a real man. I go to Poland and the people love me because they know I’m not going to take any crap. Huge crowds wherever I go, adoring crowds, women tossing flowers at me, little kids asking for my autograph. The Saudis think I’m awesome. I’m easily the most respected leader in the world.
JK: You’re a very great, man, Mr. President. You’re single-handedly making America great again.
Melania Trump enters the room, hisses at Bannon and Kelly and gives her husband the finger.
DT: What are you doing, Melania? We’re talking business here, important stuff you wouldn’t understand. I just made a major decision. My decisiveness is unbelievable, off the chart, so much better than Obama’s. I make the best decisions, incredible decisions.
MT: (Looking unimpressed) What decision is that, Donald?
DT: A complete and total ban on all taco trucks nationwide. They will be replaced by hot dog carts. How great is that, huh? How great am I? C’mon, tell me.
MT: Donald, you are an asshole, surrounded by assholes. I’m going to bed. Don’t disturb me when you come up, and if you know what’s good for you, don’t even try to touch me.
Melania exits.
DT: You can see how much she worships me, am I right?
JK & SB: (In unison) Absolutely, sir, no doubt about it.
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