Greenland!

“An antiracist idea is any idea that suggests that racial groups are equals in all their apparent differences -- that there is nothing right or wrong with any racial group.” Ibram X. Kendi 

Jared Kushner, Bill Barr and Mick Mulvaney sit in the Oval Office waiting for President Trump to come down from the residence. The President is a half hour late. It’s just after 1:00 p.m. on another humid D.C. summer afternoon. The three men are used to Trump arriving late or skipping scheduled meetings altogether. Barr stares out the window. Kushner and Mulvaney stare at their phones. It’s eerily quiet in the White House. Many offices are dark. Others look vacant.

Trump enters the Oval Office with a scowl on his face and sits behind his desk. Except for a telephone and three remote controls, the desk is absolutely bare. “We’re bombing Denmark, Trump says. “If they won’t deal with Trump for Greenland within 24 hours, they will get the shit bombed out of them. America First. Get that nasty woman on the phone and tell her the deal. Trump wants it done!”

Barr looks at Kushner. Kushner shrugs and looks over at Mulvaney. Mulvaney looks at the rug.

“No woman tells Trump no,” says Trump. “I’m virile, beautiful, the second coming of God, and the King of Israel. Who says no to the King of Israel?” Mulvaney starts to say something then thinks better of it and returns to staring at the floor. He knows it’s wise to let Trump get the venom out of his system. Early that morning Trump unleashed a storm on Twitter, accusing Hillary Clinton of interfering in his plan to buy Greenland, attacking the Federal Reserve for not cutting interest rates and the New York Times, MSNBC, CBS, and CNN for falsely reporting that the economy was taking a downturn, when in fact many people (three people on FOX News) were saying the economy was growing ten times faster than it did under Obama. Trump ended his Tweet barrage with a tirade against China and a guarantee that America will win the trade war and bring China to its knees.  

Turning toward the Attorney General Trump says, “You’re fat, Bill. You disgust me. You look like a sad sack. Get some exercise, lose some weight. Look at me, look at this perfect physique, I’ve got the body of a 25-year-old and I never exercise. My doctor thinks I’m a miracle. I could run a marathon if I wanted to. Probably break the world record.”

Mulvaney sucks his bottom lip into his mouth to stifle a snort. 

“Yes, Mr. President,” Barr says, “you’re absolutely right, I’m fat, I’m disgusting, but you sir are a tremendous physical specimen.”

Trump waves his hand dismissively and starts talking about how the United States deserves to own Greenland. Trump can see no reason for Denmark not to sell, other than to spite him, a mistake for which Denmark will pay. He orders Kushner to follow-up with the Joint Chiefs of Staff about a missile strike. “And see if Mnuchin can slap them with sanctions.” 

“I’m not getting any credit for the economy,” Trump says, looking accusingly at Mulvaney. “Why not? The economy’s booming, we’re making tons of money, terrific amounts of money. I’m the greatest American president since George Washington, I have more beautiful hair, better teeth, I’m smarter, richer. Women adore me. Men want to be me. Children worship me. I should give myself the Medal of Honor, just for being me. Yeah, a Medal of Honor is good for Trump. I want a big parade, Jared, the biggest in history. I want this to happen right after we bomb Denmark and they agree to sell Greenland. Once we have Greenland, I’ll award myself the medal. Obama never got a Medal of Honor.”

Bill Barr stares out the window, trying to block out the voice inside his head that chides him for selling his soul to Trump. 

Mulvaney again stifles the urge to say something, to tell Trump that awarding himself the Medal of Honor is a terrible idea, even worse than his inexplicable obsession with buying Greenland. Mulvaney feels dizzy and disoriented. Working for Donald Trump is like being incarcerated in a wind tunnel. 

“No, sir,” Jared says, “he didn’t. He didn’t deserve it. Obama made America weak. You’re making America strong. Who should present you with the medal? It has to be someone with great stature.”

“That’s a hard one,” says Trump, “since nobody’s stature is as great as mine. I might have to give it to myself. But I want Greenland first!”