Alpha & Omega

 “Stories trap us, stories free us, we live and die by stories.” Rebecca Solnit

Why read the ramblings of an aging White American male, resident of Santa Barbara in the Once Great state of California? Fair question. Why write them? Better question. Everything is fair game at the minute. Excuse me while I empty the contents of my brain. Come along if you are inclined. We’ve been in our new digs for a month. It seems longer for some reason, like the physical movement of our household, be it only a block, had the effect of slowing time down. It was two and a half weeks before we had sorted the upheaval enough to be somewhat comfortable. Thinking back on those first couple of weeks, and my reaction to it, only reminded me of how fortunate I am at this moment. Millions of people on this damned planet do not have the luxury of being inconvenienced. We all saw that during the height of the pandemic. Many of us haven’t perceived the true damage wrought by Covid. Takes time, and a bit of distance to see clearly. (That’s my view, anyway, but maybe I put too much stock in the virtue of wisdom. Doesn’t naked ambition and blind greed run the table every time? Isn’t that what history tells us? Wisdom, that’s from the age of chivalrous knights, the warrior kings of old.) And fewer people would be inclined to walk away from a job that pays what mine does, but that is what I have decided to do at the end of June. It’s something I have thought about, off and on, for more than a year. The smart thing would be to suck it up and stay in harness; the right thing is to call it a career. Doing the right thing has most of the time served me well, led me to something else. It’s in no way a true retirement because I intend to continue working, just elsewhere, and in a different environment. I have worked almost my entire life, all kinds of jobs, and I still want and need to work, but what I don’t want is the daily pressure of dealing with other people’s issues, sitting through endless meetings, sorting annoying problems, always grinding, which is what I do at the moment. That, and much more, though I have been very well compensated for my efforts. I’ve never complained about the compensation; the battle for me was keeping boredom, frustration, and cynicism at bay. My career at the local school district has treated me well, and I’m leaving at the moment that feels right to me. But under no illusions, either. It’s going to be tight financially until I find something to do for money, and my wife finally moves on to better paying employment. She works hard and makes next to nothing at her job, exchanging low pay for flexible hours and the ability to work remotely. She’s ready for a change, too. I’ve got medical coverage until September, but then it’s off to anxiety land, buying health insurance through Covered California. My biggest peeve about this backassward nation is that we’re so weird about the commons. Every human being will need medical care sooner or later. It’s as fundamental as clean water and food. A civilized society should be able to agree on that, at the very minimum. Personally, I’d pay higher taxes for universal health care. Call me crazy. Most European nations make this arrangement work, it’s only in this country that rigid adherence to ideology makes it politically impossible. 

An end, and then I hope a new beginning, what I’m thinking of as the third phase of my life -- bring what it may. I’ve had incredible luck, good health, and a strong wife at my side. I’m forcing myself to stay in the present moment, not wander two months ahead and What If. I see it as taking a temporary step off the treadmill. What a luxury. It’s in considering how fortunate I am to have these options that my thoughts drift to places where survival is a perpetual struggle and decent choices are few. It’s a greedy world. America is a greedy nation. Always has been. Designed to be so. But I don’t think it speaks well of our country when there are people living in tents on the sides of our major freeways. It’s a sight that always jars me. Human lives shouldn’t be disposable. Seems like we often treat animals better than we treat people.

I’d rather not think about the political situation in America. It’s worse than it looks, of that I’m sure. One party is attempting -- and largely succeeding -- in choosing its own voters while excluding as many others from voting as possible. That’s part of it, but the GOP is also enshrining its powers relating to election law all over the country. That’s the more critical piece. First, prevent certain people from voting. Second, make sure their votes don’t count even if they manage to cast a ballot. A collision is coming. When a political party refuses to bow to the will of the voters and peacefully relinquish power according to the law, it has crossed over. The GOP is straddling the line, but by very little. After Trump, they understand that victory can be had by not conceding defeat. Don’t concede defeat, and you win. 

What a month this has been. I seem to be doing everything backwards. Moving into more expensive digs while at the same time walking away from my job. To top it off my beloved Chelsea Football Club won the Champions League title on Saturday, defeating Manchester City by one goal to nil. It still feels like a dream. The Blues put in a top performance against a City side that looked the favorite to lift the trophy. Big accomplishment for the club and manager Thomas Tuchel, who in less than a month beat Pep Guardiola three times. After a couple of poor late season performances -- against Arsenal in the Premier League, Leicester City in the FA Cup Final, and away at Aston Villa to close out the campaign -- Chelsea conspired to put together a complete performance, first minute to last. A very sweet victory, and some redemption for Kai Havertz, the young German who joined Chelsea for a record fee but started the season slowly. Havertz scored the match winning goal near the end of the first half.