Monkey-Man

All doubts have been dispelled. The need for debate is over. All that’s left is for some qualified mental health professional to make it official.

George W. Bush, supreme leader of the so-called free world, is a moron. Forget the fact that he looked like a spider monkey amped on meth amphetamine during his press conference yesterday. Bush appears stupid because he is stupid. You can’t fake that.

The press conference format is now so watered down and choreographed that it’s nearly meaningless. Karl Rove and Company give Bush a chart showing which reporters are sitting where, so that when Bush calls on them he can say, all folksy, “Yes, Jim.” The only reporter in the room with any balls is a woman, the venerable Helen Thomas. Thomas asked sharp questions which the president ducked, and when Thomas tried to bring Bush back to reality, Bush said, “Let me finish,” and continued with his inane answer.

“People want to know what’s on my mind,” Bush said at one point. Really? I could care less. What’s on Bush’s mind is pretty clear; continued destruction of America as we know it. How many times did Bush repeat, “We have a plan for victory.” Wow, that’s so reassuring, given that the architects of the plan are the same fools whose lies and exaggerations got us into Iraq in the first place.

Bush was at his lying best when he stated, “They made Iraq the central front in the War on Terror.” No, George, you did that all by yourself. Iraq had little or nothing to do with September 11. You and your cronies saw in Iraq what you wanted to see, and it has cost us dearly.

The Bush communication strategy is simple: repeat the same message over and over and don’t fret if the facts contradict the message. For instance, Bush laid most of the blame for the exploding Federal debt at the doorstep of “mandatory spending” increases, specifically Social Security and Medicaid, two New Deal-style programs that the GOP has tried to gut and kill for decades. Is he daft? The so called War in Iraq is the driving force behind the debt, not social entitlement programs.

What other outrageous, disingenuous things did Monkey-Man say? Well, he refused to characterize the chaos in Iraq as civil war, even though Sunnis are Killing Shiites and vice versa. Bush used the word “sectarian” several times and actually pronounced the word correctly. Obviously, Karl Rove has done some intense tutoring with Monkey-Man on his elocution.

Bush also refused to criticize Donald Rumsfeld, even though it’s abundantly clear that Rumsfeld is a bumbling dingbat who would have had trouble overseeing the invasion and occupation of Fiji. I noted too that Bush made a big deal about going to the UN prior to unleashing the dogs of war; but Monkey-Man forgot to mention that Colin Powell lied through his teeth. In addition, now that I think of it, Bush said Saddam Hussein ruled by Fear and Intimidation. Golly, isn’t that exactly what Bush has done here at home, whipping up our fear of another 9-11 style attack, of anthrax, and of dangerous foreigners crossing our borders? When it comes to playing the role of dictator, Bush is a natural.

Five and a half years of Monkey-Man. Sweet Jesus! And Congress impeached Bill Clinton for a harmless blow-job! What a country!