Election Night, November 7, 2006

Verbatim notes while watching the returns…unedited…impressions of impending doom…which spin will win?

My favorite leftist radio station, listener financed KPFK, reported earlier that there were widespread glitches with electronic voting machines in Ohio, leading to long lines for voters and the intervention of a Federal judge who ordered that polls remain open an additional two hours. It was much the same story in Virginia. KPFK noted that the mechanical problems in Ohio were occurring in predominantly African-American areas. Shades of 2004, when the national GOP stole the election for Bush.

C-SPAN, CNN, Fox, PBS, ABC – there’s so much information out there that it makes my head swim. What I fear is another stolen election; the Republicans will not relinquish power willingly, so all their voter suppression tactics make perfect sense -- Robo-calls to voters who lean Democrat, bullshit demands for ID, eligible voters purged from the rolls as if by magic -- these people will stop at nothing.

KPFK also reported that 10,000 lawyers are on duty across the country tonight, watching polling places, challenging edicts issued by Republican Secretaries of State, challenging or correcting decisions made by stressed-out poll workers, harassing voters, or just standing around in cheap suits and scuffed shoes, checking their Blackberries every two minutes, speaking from the sides of their mouths like their hero, Dick Cheney.

I suddenly have this sinking feeling that turn-out doesn’t matter, Iraq doesn’t matter, the piss-poor, rigged for the wealthy economy doesn’t matter, because at the end of this day, the GOP will have engineered massive vote theft and retained their death grip on the nation’s testicles. I can’t help thinking that we are fucked, no matter what, and that Karl Rove is sitting in the White House, enjoying a massage from a Korean prostitute. “That’s nice, baby, but can you move a little lower.” Rove is a pig masquerading as a man. He should be conscripted into the US Army and sent to Iraq where he can experience the wonders of our glorious Occupation, first-hand. Hell yes, issue Rove an M-16 and some defective body armor and send him out to meet and greet the Sunnis and the Shiites.

Rick Santorum, a scary Republican senator from Pennsylvania, appears to be headed for an ass-kicking. One less Bush soldier to worry about.

Results roll across the bottom of the TV screen. Bill Bennett is a guest commentator on CNN, though he doesn’t seem to know jack shit about particular races. I wonder what kind of action Bennett has riding on these outcomes. Old gamblers never lose the itch.

W and Laura voted this morning. I wonder how much trouble W had filling out his ballot. That Yale education isn’t worth much, but I’m sure Laura explained the more difficult nuances and made sure W checked the correct boxes.

Over on MSNBC Tom Brokaw is jabbering, trying his best to bring some gravitas to this sordid Tuesday night affair by offering his years of wisdom and experience. What a star-studded line-up: Brokaw, Williams, and Russert. It almost makes me wet my shorts with excitement. MSNBC projects that the Dems will control the House, but that the GOP will retain a slim margin in the Senate. We’ll see if that holds. The polls closed in California fifteen minutes ago. I’d bet my son’s piggybank that Schwarzenegger just fired up a fat cigar. Four more years of Arnold is like being forced to watch Kindergarten Cop over and over. Bad to worse and back again.

I’d like to see the phrase, “God Bless America,” banned. Every politician, no matter how immoral behind closed doors, no matter how criminal, no matter how psychotic, utters “God Bless America,” at every opportunity, as if this will absolve all sins and make people believe the politician is a good guy or decent gal, no different from any of us. What a crock. In my experience on this planet, the people who bring God into every conversation, or drop their church-going habits and activities the way others drop names, are generally the most sinful. Why don’t you stop talking about Jesus and start acting like Jesus? Novel concept.

If the Dems do take the House and either take the Senate outright or at least increase their number so that real debate is possible, will they act like Democrats or hew to the Bill Clinton tactics that screwed working people (NAFTA), destroyed local media (the Telecommunications Act of 1996), and tossed welfare recipients (Welfare to Work or whatever it’s euphemistically called) on the street? All you Hillary fans should remember that this Republican Reign of Terror began with a mid-term landslide in 1994, well before Monica and Bill began playing hide-the-cigar in the Oval Office.

I’m going to bed where I hope to dream of Dick Cheney on the witness stand, naked, with a black hood over his head, shackles on his wrists and ankles, and electrodes clipped to his old nipples. Give him more juice!