PENIS DEFEATS BRAIN -- AGAIN

OK, Eliot Spitzer, here’s the first question I want to ask you: was that young hooker worth it? Second question: did it ever occur to you that cash money is untraceable?

Jesus, Eliot Spitzer’s a brilliant guy with a first-rate pedigree and a reputation as a kick-ass anti-corporate warrior, but it goes to show that when a man leads with his dick instead of his brain, terrible things usually happen.

The moral side of the Spitzer mess doesn’t trouble me too much – powerful men have sought solace with prostitutes for millennia. Flagging a hooker down on a Manhattan street or making arrangements through an agency is a personal decision that, for most men, carries personal consequences, such as, being rolled by a pimp, contracting an STD, or having one’s spouse find out. For a high-profile elected official, it’s all of those risks and more. Spitzer’s political career is finished, for now anyway, at least until he emerges from Rehab cleansed of his sexual addiction. That’s probably a year or three down the trail, and until then Spitzer has a family to feed and clothe. Even in the sleazy world of big-time corporate law, it’s unlikely a reputable firm would take a chance and hire Spitzer.

Until the dust settles and public memory fades – and if you don’t believe that it will, remember that Bill Clinton is today stomping the campaign trail for his wife, despite that fact that he played hide-the-cigar-in-your-pussy with an intern in the Oval Office – Spitzer might try becoming a lobbyist for a condom manufacturer or perhaps the sex toy industry. Experts generally advise job seekers to stick with what they know, and Eliot obviously knows a thing or two about the tawdry world of sex.

At least Spitzer wasn’t nailed with child pornography on his computer or the names of underage boys on his cell phone; he didn’t, as far as I know, bugger interns in his office or stage an orgy in Central Park. His “crime” was pedestrian, stupid, pathetic; the former NY governor is obviously hauling some heavy baggage around, unsatisfied in his own bedroom, and under a lot of stress; although his wife stood at his side while he informed the planet of his fuck-up, she struck me as a unforgiving lady, and I hope the Spitzer’s have a spare bedroom for Eliot.

Another politician goes down in disgrace. Ho-hum. The Republicans will crow about moral decay, spout illogical claptrap about Christian values, renew calls for the abolishment of public education (a hotbed of immorality and vice) and generally have a field day making the Spitzer story a black mark against all Democrats. NBC, ABC, CNN, Fox, and all the crass infotainment programs will continue to trot out current and former madams and hookers, pop psychologists, sex experts and reformed perverts of every persuasion, and analyze poor Eliot to death.

Was she that good, Eliot? Could she could suck a golf ball through twenty feet of plastic tubing or shoot a ping-pong ball from her vagina? Did she do tricks, swing from the ceiling, suck you off in the shower?

I was under the impression that Ivy League schools do a better job teaching their politically ambitious students to break the law with panache; guess Eliot skipped those lessons.