On the day the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times reported that American spy agencies are unanimous in their opinion that the Iraq Occupation is fueling terrorism rather than quelling it, Vice President Dick Cheney summoned President George W. Bush and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to the Oval Office for a meeting.
“What’s up, Dirty Dick?” Bush said as he strutted into the Oval Office, followed by several aides, two attorneys, and a waiter bearing a tray laden with long-necked bottles of Coors Light, pretzel sticks and pork rinds.
Dick Cheney snarled and said, “Heads will fucking roll over this. How dare the press publish the truth! It’s an outrage. Truth has no place in the global war on terror. Truth cannot keep the American people out of harm’s way.”
Smiling, Bush said, “Intelligence is important, but I’ve never had much use for it. Pass me one of them beers, Juan.”
Defense Secretary Rumsfeld reminded the president and vice-president that they didn’t actually have to win the war in order to claim victory, since the US never declared war in the first place.
Cheney slammed his right fist into his left palm. “Bullshit, Don. We will win! I don’t care if we have to annihilate every Islamo-Facist on this planet, but we will win.”
“We’re stretched thin, Dick,” Rumsfeld said. “And, uh, well, I don’t like to admit this, but our adversaries are growing stronger and more sophisticated.”
“Hey, guys,” Bush said, “have you heard about Faith Nights? They tell me it’s the latest marketing craze in professional sports. The Atlanta Braves pass out the good book and play rock music and get the folks all fired up about Jesus. Damn fine idea. Wish I’d thought of it when I owned the Texas Rangers.”
“We should attack Iran,” Cheney said, helping himself to a handful of pretzels, “before those fuckers attack us with their arsenal of nuclear weapons.”
“We can’t say for sure that Iran has the Bomb,” Rumsfeld said.
“Bullshit! If we say Iran has a Bomb, Iran has a Bomb! We’re in power and the truth is whatever we say it is! Get O’Reilly on the phone,” Cheney barked at an aide. “If he’s not available find Limbaugh. And locate Rove. It’s time to crank up the PR machine.”
“Calm down, Dick,” the president said. “Remember your ticker. You get worked up and you’re liable to keel over right here in the Oval Office. That wouldn’t look good, you know? Now look fellas, this Faith Night thing’s got me thinking. That’s our base and we need to keep ‘em happy.”
“Compared to Iran, Saddam was nothing,” Cheney mumbled. “Iran’s the key.”
“The average Iraqi isn’t a happy camper these days,” Rumsfeld said ruefully. “The streets are dangerous, jobs are scarce, electric power is completely unpredictable.”
“You sound like an appeasing yellow-bellied Liberal, Don,” Cheney said. “We gave Iraq Democracy! If it wasn’t for us, the Iraqis would still be under the thumb of a brutal dictator, subject to prison for years without due process of law, tortured, disappeared!”
“Hey,” the president said, “that sounds like what’s been going on in GitMo. Just kiddin’ boys. Look, what do you think of having a Faith Night in Baghdad? We could hand out copies of the Koran and play Iraqi folk music, make the people feel better about themselves and their country.”
Monday, September 25, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Nothing to Fear
When will the next terror scare hit the TV airwaves? It’s about time for an orange or yellow alert, about time for Dick Cheney to assert in that low-key way of his that an attack is imminent, and about time for the Fox News gang to repeat the Administration’s assertion until it becomes a fact. That’s how we do things in America now, isn’t it? Whoever can make a lie stick wins. Scream the lie loud, scream it often and you can rule.
I saw the President’s recent outdoor press conference on the Internet and was appalled. More than ever, Bush reminds me of a spider monkey amped on crystal meth. Bush can’t answer a straightforward question without becoming agitated. “War on Terror, the enemy is everywhere, he hates our freedom, it’s my job to protect the American people from attack,” and so on through the standard Karl Rove-approved phrases. Bush gets exasperated when reporters press him to back up his assertions with facts or logic. Bush flashes his trademark sneer, as if the press people are too dense to grasp the essential truth, and tersely signals for the next question.
It’s a sad and embarrassing scene whenever Bush holds a press conference. It takes all my will not to change the channel over to Animal Planet or Cartoon Network. I wonder if the rumors I’ve read about Bush suffering from syphilis are true; the man certainly seems like he’s in the throes of a mental meltdown. One day, years in the future, we will learn that spirochetes were attacking Bush’s central nervous system in 2006, causing him to act erratically. Video clips of Bush cutting brush on his Crawford, Texas ranch will be aired over and over, to remind Americans of the President at his best, and to set the stage for the rehabilitation of Bush’s image. Most Americans will feel sorry for George, just as they felt sorry for Richard Nixon when the end came. You know our collective memory is short and faulty when an evil man like Richard Nixon is buried with honors; the same thing will happen when George W. croaks, and for those Americans who feel like they’ve been living in Hell the past five years, the media frenzy when W kicks will be an insult to our sensibilities.
How many years will it take to live down the Bush legacy? How many years before our former friends and allies trust us again? Christ, what a depressing thought! The ghost of W will be around when I qualify for Medicare.
But, on the plus side of the ledger, the GOP assures us that the economy is booming and that we are safe from bearded terrorists, lesbians, gay men, Liberals, feminists, the ACLU, unions, drug dealers and illegal immigrants. In other words, all is well and we have nothing to fear, thanks to W and the GOP. That our government is immoral, hypocritical, violent, racist, and incompetent should not trouble our sleep.
I saw the President’s recent outdoor press conference on the Internet and was appalled. More than ever, Bush reminds me of a spider monkey amped on crystal meth. Bush can’t answer a straightforward question without becoming agitated. “War on Terror, the enemy is everywhere, he hates our freedom, it’s my job to protect the American people from attack,” and so on through the standard Karl Rove-approved phrases. Bush gets exasperated when reporters press him to back up his assertions with facts or logic. Bush flashes his trademark sneer, as if the press people are too dense to grasp the essential truth, and tersely signals for the next question.
It’s a sad and embarrassing scene whenever Bush holds a press conference. It takes all my will not to change the channel over to Animal Planet or Cartoon Network. I wonder if the rumors I’ve read about Bush suffering from syphilis are true; the man certainly seems like he’s in the throes of a mental meltdown. One day, years in the future, we will learn that spirochetes were attacking Bush’s central nervous system in 2006, causing him to act erratically. Video clips of Bush cutting brush on his Crawford, Texas ranch will be aired over and over, to remind Americans of the President at his best, and to set the stage for the rehabilitation of Bush’s image. Most Americans will feel sorry for George, just as they felt sorry for Richard Nixon when the end came. You know our collective memory is short and faulty when an evil man like Richard Nixon is buried with honors; the same thing will happen when George W. croaks, and for those Americans who feel like they’ve been living in Hell the past five years, the media frenzy when W kicks will be an insult to our sensibilities.
How many years will it take to live down the Bush legacy? How many years before our former friends and allies trust us again? Christ, what a depressing thought! The ghost of W will be around when I qualify for Medicare.
But, on the plus side of the ledger, the GOP assures us that the economy is booming and that we are safe from bearded terrorists, lesbians, gay men, Liberals, feminists, the ACLU, unions, drug dealers and illegal immigrants. In other words, all is well and we have nothing to fear, thanks to W and the GOP. That our government is immoral, hypocritical, violent, racist, and incompetent should not trouble our sleep.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Thinking Back on 9/11
It was a beautiful day in Santa Barbara, and a stunning crystal clear day in New York City. My daughter, Miranda, was only eight days old. I took my son to kindergarten at Roosevelt Elementary School, and was on my way home when my wife called and told me that an airliner had flown into the World Trade Center. From then on, like most Americans, I was glued to my TV, trying to make sense of an incomprehensible event.
Our country was attacked, not by another country bent on invading our shores, but by people inflamed by ideology and hatred. Within a few hours, Al Qaeda became part of our mindset, part of our collective history, and the target of what would become a war on a tactic.
On the night of 9/11/2001 I remember jotting down some questions that ranged from how the terrorists planned and coordinated their stunning attacks, and what nations provided them resources and information, to whether the attacks would make the United States reconsider its behavior in the world and its foreign policy. Would we seek to understand before retaliating – or just retaliate with our massive military might?
I remember some weeks or months later reading a New York Times Op-Ed piece by Susan Sontag in which she accused George W. Bush of infantilizing 9/11 with his posing and cowboy rhetoric. By the time Sontag’s piece appeared, it was clear that the US had no intention of using 9/11 for self-examination; we were out for blood, out to redeem our dead and wounded, set on a course that would take us from Afghanistan to Iraq. Bush told the nation repeatedly that Al Qaeda hated our freedom, when in fact what Al Qaeda hated was our imperial behavior. Sontag, by the way, was pilloried in the media for her opinion.
Terrorism – or the threat of terrorism – never changed my family’s daily life. Except when I fly, life goes on as it did before. I realize that there is no protection against a terrorist attack, no safe haven, which is precisely the reason Terrorism is employed as a tactic by the powerless against the powerful. Terror breeds fear, fear breeds a circle-the-wagons mentality that can justify a range of self-defeating actions.
What frightens me more than the threat of Terrorism is the erosion of the rights and laws that make America what it is, and govern what America might one day be. The means of keeping the nation safe do not justify the end, if those means are wrong. I would almost rather have less safety and an intact Constitution, along with an Executive Branch held in check by the co-equal branches of government, than the trampling of Law in the name of Safety that we’ve witnessed in the past five years.
Our country was attacked, not by another country bent on invading our shores, but by people inflamed by ideology and hatred. Within a few hours, Al Qaeda became part of our mindset, part of our collective history, and the target of what would become a war on a tactic.
On the night of 9/11/2001 I remember jotting down some questions that ranged from how the terrorists planned and coordinated their stunning attacks, and what nations provided them resources and information, to whether the attacks would make the United States reconsider its behavior in the world and its foreign policy. Would we seek to understand before retaliating – or just retaliate with our massive military might?
I remember some weeks or months later reading a New York Times Op-Ed piece by Susan Sontag in which she accused George W. Bush of infantilizing 9/11 with his posing and cowboy rhetoric. By the time Sontag’s piece appeared, it was clear that the US had no intention of using 9/11 for self-examination; we were out for blood, out to redeem our dead and wounded, set on a course that would take us from Afghanistan to Iraq. Bush told the nation repeatedly that Al Qaeda hated our freedom, when in fact what Al Qaeda hated was our imperial behavior. Sontag, by the way, was pilloried in the media for her opinion.
Terrorism – or the threat of terrorism – never changed my family’s daily life. Except when I fly, life goes on as it did before. I realize that there is no protection against a terrorist attack, no safe haven, which is precisely the reason Terrorism is employed as a tactic by the powerless against the powerful. Terror breeds fear, fear breeds a circle-the-wagons mentality that can justify a range of self-defeating actions.
What frightens me more than the threat of Terrorism is the erosion of the rights and laws that make America what it is, and govern what America might one day be. The means of keeping the nation safe do not justify the end, if those means are wrong. I would almost rather have less safety and an intact Constitution, along with an Executive Branch held in check by the co-equal branches of government, than the trampling of Law in the name of Safety that we’ve witnessed in the past five years.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
The Drumbeat of Stupidity
The drumbeat of stupidity goes on. P. Diddy, wealthy, well-dressed, and self-important, no longer speaks, choosing instead to have a spokesman utter gibberish on his behalf. Diddy only pantomimes or nods his head. Sweet Jesus.
It’s Election Season in America, and the Republicans are going to sell us their bonafides as the party who can keep us safe from bearded terrorists. Don’t be surprised if they tell us that the War on Terror is going swimmingly or that the occupation of Iraq is a complete success. Hell yes, why not? the electorate has bought this basket of horseshit before, and in big-time power politics you always play to your strength. The fact that the Taliban is resurgent in Afghanistan – remember that “short” war? – is immaterial. Who cares if Osama bin Laden is still on the loose, probably living now in a New Jersey suburb, next door to a high-ranking official from the Department of Homeland Security, who will, when questioned several years from now, deny any knowledge of the fact. “I never had any reason to believe that Osama bin Laden was living next door. As far as I was aware, my neighbors – who I never met, by the way -- were model citizens. The Washington Post was delivered to their doorstep each day, the yard was cared for by what looked to be an illegal immigrant, and there was a Ford SUV parked in the driveway. I had no reason to be suspicious.”
Indeed. Out here in the Golden State, it’s Competence versus Charisma, Angelides versus Arnold. Big fear tactics will be used by the Schwarzenegger camp: “Angelides will tax you into the poor house!” and without a doubt a sizeable number of voters will buy the line, even ones who would stand to benefit from having a real Governor in Sacramento. Arnold will run from one $10,000 a plate dinner to another, telling each audience what he thinks it wants to hear. It’s campaigning, Hollywood-style. Presentation matters; truth doesn’t. It’s all make-believe anyway, right?
Do you ever think about the food you eat, where it comes from, how many miles it travels from where it’s produced to where it’s consumed? Because of trade and monetary policy, it’s economically viable for a store chain like Vons to import apples from New Zealand. The apples taste OK, usually, but it’s a damn shame, not to mention a tremendous waste of natural resources, to buy apples from New Zealand rather than apples grown in California or Washington. I wonder what the future of basic food will look like; will there be enough for all or just the fortunate few with enough dough to pay?
It’s funny. In the name of corporate efficiency we destroy the small farms and farmers who might save our asses in the end. Efficiency for stockholders and CEO’s, death for the rest of us. Why not? It’s the American Way.
Yeah, that drumbeat you hear in the night is coming closer. It’s only a matter of time.
It’s Election Season in America, and the Republicans are going to sell us their bonafides as the party who can keep us safe from bearded terrorists. Don’t be surprised if they tell us that the War on Terror is going swimmingly or that the occupation of Iraq is a complete success. Hell yes, why not? the electorate has bought this basket of horseshit before, and in big-time power politics you always play to your strength. The fact that the Taliban is resurgent in Afghanistan – remember that “short” war? – is immaterial. Who cares if Osama bin Laden is still on the loose, probably living now in a New Jersey suburb, next door to a high-ranking official from the Department of Homeland Security, who will, when questioned several years from now, deny any knowledge of the fact. “I never had any reason to believe that Osama bin Laden was living next door. As far as I was aware, my neighbors – who I never met, by the way -- were model citizens. The Washington Post was delivered to their doorstep each day, the yard was cared for by what looked to be an illegal immigrant, and there was a Ford SUV parked in the driveway. I had no reason to be suspicious.”
Indeed. Out here in the Golden State, it’s Competence versus Charisma, Angelides versus Arnold. Big fear tactics will be used by the Schwarzenegger camp: “Angelides will tax you into the poor house!” and without a doubt a sizeable number of voters will buy the line, even ones who would stand to benefit from having a real Governor in Sacramento. Arnold will run from one $10,000 a plate dinner to another, telling each audience what he thinks it wants to hear. It’s campaigning, Hollywood-style. Presentation matters; truth doesn’t. It’s all make-believe anyway, right?
Do you ever think about the food you eat, where it comes from, how many miles it travels from where it’s produced to where it’s consumed? Because of trade and monetary policy, it’s economically viable for a store chain like Vons to import apples from New Zealand. The apples taste OK, usually, but it’s a damn shame, not to mention a tremendous waste of natural resources, to buy apples from New Zealand rather than apples grown in California or Washington. I wonder what the future of basic food will look like; will there be enough for all or just the fortunate few with enough dough to pay?
It’s funny. In the name of corporate efficiency we destroy the small farms and farmers who might save our asses in the end. Efficiency for stockholders and CEO’s, death for the rest of us. Why not? It’s the American Way.
Yeah, that drumbeat you hear in the night is coming closer. It’s only a matter of time.
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