Happy Meals

Is McDonald’s an exemplary American corporation or what?

In this time of economic hardship for millions of American workers and their kith and kin, McDonald’s has done what Bank of America, Citibank and Goldman Sachs could never do: hire 50,000 workers on a single day.

Amazing. What a powerful gesture! Why should Americans build cars, trucks, airplanes, refrigerators, gas ranges, microwave ovens, flat screen TV’s, computers, skip loaders, cell phones, furniture and toilets when we can put people to work building Big Macs!

Let the Chinese build cars and computers and leave the re-heating of apple turnovers to Americans. While the Chinese are erecting bridges and constructing highways and high-speed rail systems, Americans will be building millions of fillet-o-fish sandwiches! I’d like to see the Chinese do the same! Nobody on this planet can handle a busy drive-through window the way Americans can. “Would you like fries with that? Can I interest you in a delicious vanilla milkshake? How about a super-sized ice cold Coke? Do you need ketchup for your fries?”

Think of what this generous deed will do for our fellow Americans. All the prestige of wearing the famous McDonald’s uniform and working in the shadow of the Golden Arches, along with a minimum wage guaranteed by the federal government. And – don’t worry – even after a 40-hour week you will still qualify for whatever poverty programs remain after Congressman Paul Ryan finishes building his Path to Prosperity. Health insurance is way overrated, and who really needs a retirement plan? McDonald’s hires elderly folk, too. Start young, work hard and who knows, in ten years you might move up to night shift supervisor.

Yep, it’s about time a major American corporation stepped to the plate and delivered for the average American working person. While the financial giants are hoarding their cash and paying out titanic bonuses, McDonald’s is walking the talk, investing in the little people.